July 29, 2008
Waxing Satirical
I am a somewhat hairy girl. If you took everything I said about how much hair I have as the truth, you would expect to see wolf girl. I really don't have that much hair, just the hair I have I hate it. It isn't even dark but I hate hair on my legs, my arm pits, my arms, and apparently my eyebrows recently as they are starting to look like awkward parenthesis. I shave all of the above except I pluck my eye brows.. My razors can barely take all of that and I need to replace them almost every time. I don't know why it is so satisfying to not have hair. It is completely natural and normal but I don't want to be dubbed a hippy or a European.
I know ladies know this feeling.. You need a change, you want to do something fun.. sometimes people will notice, sometimes only you will notice. It can be as drastic as bleaching your hair blonde or as minimal as getting a manicure. it is usually triggered by anything from a break up in a relationship to being really bored. My trigger was being told I couldn't fly to the UK with my cats and I had to wait.
I thought, you know what? I think I have a mustache. And I mean honestly I do but it is not that bad and every girl has one.. trust me. But for some reason I just kept thinking about it and I decided to remove it. Not shaving or plucking but rather a new method to me; waxing.
I had waxed my mustache before.. well like 3 times in the almost 15 years since I went through puberty. I never really had an issue but I knew my lip would be red and a bit sore so I went and bought some wax strips, along with some soothing cream. I went to my folks house all excited and did all the necessary prep work and then got down to business.
No, it is not that painful and you don't even tear up but when it was done it was pretty irritated. Aha! Soothing cream. I put it on and thought, wow this sucks. it burns and that actually did make my eyes water. Oh well, it is red and and looks good I guess. I decided to then go gt my hair cut too since it is so cheap in the US. As the lady was washing my hair, my lip was burning and I remember thinking I should have just had them do it here. I had too much pride (at the time) and plus, I am cheap.
By the time I got home and did my hair I noticed something horrible. My lip was turning brown and burned SO bad. I stupidly put more cream on. It burned more. Well now everyone was coming home from work so I decided to go on a walk and try to forget what had happened. After, we went home and watched a movie.. anything to avoid looking at myself.
Unfortunately, it was unavoidable and I had to look at myself the next morning. Have you ever burned your hand on a hot pan, or your forehead on a curling iron? (The ladies know what I am talking about.) It turns red, then, brown and eventually becomes scabby, like in the you have no skin so your skin is trying scab but can't.
That is what I had done. I burned my lip. For the next 2 weeks I had a scab... that was brown.. and the size of a mans mustache on my upper lip. To make matters worse, I had to put neosporin on it so that it would heal and so that while it healed, I could talk,eat and smile or more the case, pout. Without the neosporin, my entire upper lip was immobile and you couldn't move your mouth without your newly healing skin ripping open. With the neosporin, you had not only your ugly burned brown lip showing, but actually amplified because it now looked shiny and greasy WHICH YOU CANNOT COVER IN MAKEUP. No one wants to talk to you and your own family will laugh at you.
It was made just slightly worse because I would say my mustache burn looked slightly manicured. I waxed my whole upper lip but with a wax strip on either side, you don't really cover the divet in your lip under your nose which was unharmed for me.
I had a sassy french mustache... well actually i looked like this dude:
And what am I left with? Well scarring of course. Oh and it is a nice shade of brown the scar is and you cannot cover it with makeup. And by the time everything had healed, the hair grew back. It grew back ever over the darker scar and even though the hair is blonde, it accentuates the scar. I even for a moment had the thought, well I guess I should wax it again. So I guess I can look forward to some sort of chemical peel or laser surgery now because it looks bad. I can laugh a bit now but still... think twice before trying it.
Oh and for this twat. If you can start a site dedicated to girls mustaches, I am going to start a site for boys who are oblivious to giant pieces of ear wax hanging out their ears. Oh and boys who piss on toilet seats.. and boys who don't shave their faces well...and other personal hygene issues boys seem to have more often than girls but are oblivious to, and for some reason expect higher qualities in women. Its all in good fun... but twat.