Top TEN -
Hip Hop groups from waaaaaay back in the day that I need on WAX/Vinyl
1) Robert S
2) Audio Two
3) Dana Dane
4) King Tee
5) Mixmaster Spade
6) Gigolo Tone
7) King Sun
8) Mantronix
9) 7A3
10) Uncle Jam's Army
White people I like -
1) Scooter McFadden
2) Alex and Deanne Gilroy (who did you THINK it was??)
3) the mailman on Thurs
4) Bubba Sparx
5) Mr Jiminy from the bait and tackle shop where my grandpappy was first hired
6) Walt Disney
7) Al Roker
8) that white girl from Petticoat Junction
9) Marlo Thomas
10) Bryant Gumbel
Failed DJ names for myself -
1) Mixmaster Bloodclot
2) El Ballerina
3) DJ Stab a Hoe
4) Cutmaster Ginsu Flesh
5) Murder Robski
6) DJ Guillotine
7) DJ CrackaWhacka
8) Sinister Abu Hassein Bin Laden
9) DJ Chitlin Chill
10) Funkmaster Fly Negro
Top Ten Shows from UPN/WB/BET -
1) Hey that was my momma having some GOOD TIMES, Ms Jefferson!!
2) Save that Curl infomercials
3) Dude, Jimmy is DEAD
4) Fish, Fries and Fighting
5) Live at the Barbershop - hosted by Don Cornelius JR
6) Brotha it's TIME TO R-E-A-D
7) Bling Bling for the Ring Ring
8) Baby Momma Celebrity Idol
9) Watts Going DOWN?
10) Judge Jeneatha
If Jesus were alive today, he would be one of THESE 10 things -
1) on TRL with a G Unit shirt on
2) costarring on CSI - Bethlehem
3) host of J to the Eezie, S to the Uzzo show
4) tatted up with biblical references on him
5) working at Fly Tyme records
6) singing backup to The Doobie Brothers
7) just another playa with Dubs on his 7 Deuce Caddie
8) be in a celebrity death match with Moses (MALONE)
9) get traded by the Warriors for a future draft pick and Chris Washburn
10) sing a duet with The BeeGees titled "one just left but I got his back"
People still can't get over Sammy Sosa's sneezing himself right onto the disabled list last week but he isn't alone. Peep these OTHER incredible, often EMBARRASSING, moments/injuries former and active MLB players have endured.
Forget Body by Nautilus. San Diego's Wells now has Body by Cuisinart after slicing up his left hand and right wrist in an at-home accident involving a bottle, a wine glass, a bar stool and a friend. Good, old-fashioned horseplay 1, Padres 0.
Helms slipped on the wet rubber surface leading from the visiting clubhouse to the dugout in Puerto Rico's Hiram Bithorn Stadium during one of several heavy rainstorms last week. He subsequently was disabled with a bum knee.
"I saw Jason Isringhausen punch a plastic trash can and break his hand," Baltimore first-base coach Rick Dempsey said.
Tony Gwynn smashed his fingers in the door of his luxury car ... while going to the bank.
It really isn't all that unusual to cut yourself with a pocket knife while attempting to open one of those maddeningly difficult CD wrappings (San Diego's Adam Eaton, who missed a start when he took stitches in his stomach).
Haven't you ever sidelined yourself while shoveling snow (Cincinnati's John Vander Wal, who has been out all season following knee surgery after last winter's incident at his home in Grand Rapids, Mich.)?
Haven't you ever strained your neck while swimming (Atlanta outfielder J.D. Drew, who missed three games earlier this season)?
Florida infielder Bret Barberie once missed time when he rubbed one of his eyes with a finger wet with jalapeno pepper juice.
Dwight Gooden missed a start for the New York Mets when teammate Vince Coleman accidentally hit him with a golf club in the clubhouse.
And Steve Sparks messed up his shoulder in Milwaukee a few years back when, after becoming a little too inspired by a motivational speaker, he attempted to tear a telephone book in half with his bare hands.
Pitcher Rickey Bones once landed on the disabled list in Florida when he wrenched his back as he lifted himself out of a chair while watching television in the clubhouse.
"I once had a player strain his ribs while ducking under his shower curtain rod at home," says Tom Trebelhorn, the former Milwaukee and Chicago Cubs manager and current Orioles third-base coach. "His name will go unmentioned, because that's what he said."
Outfielder Marty Cordova two summers ago fell asleep in a tanning bed and burned his face to a crisp. The Baltimore medical staff told then-manager Mike Hargrove to keep Cordova out of a noon game in Oakland because more exposure to the sun would have been too dangerous. Cordova also missed a few more games because of the burn.
How many times have you fallen on your stairs? Former Seattle reliever Kazuhiro Suzuki, you'll recall, was disabled last summer after tripping over his luggage and doing just that.
How many times have you become sick or injured while on vacation? Once, Minnesota pitcher Rick Aguilera exacerbated a case of tendinitis in his wrist while lifting his wife's suitcase up onto the equipment truck as the team was breaking spring camp to head north. He landed on the disabled list.
What about the last time you tweaked a muscle while on a picnic? Last summer, Twins manager Ron Gardenhire severely pulled a hamstring ... bending over to pick up the Gatorade cooler in the dugout.
Asked recently how he felt about the Twins' current rash of injuries, Gardenhire cracked: "I left my hamstrings in San Francisco."
Baseball isn't simply the national pastime for what goes on between the white lines. Among the reasons folks like you and I have grown to love the game, no doubt, is because folks like you and I are forever tripping on the stairs. Or hurting our hands while pounding on the hotel room wall in a futile effort to grab some sleep when the people in the next room are making too much noise (former Florida pitcher Randy Veres). Or straining a muscle while vomiting (former outfielder Kevin Mitchell).
This posting is courtesy of a CBS Sportsline article that can be found in it's entirety here.
My sabbactical is OVER! Time to post! Plus it keeps me from working which is the REAL reason any of us go TO work!
Also like anything I post on here, the order of importance is IRRELEVANT...you may now proceed.
1) "Cleopatra Jones"
2) "Truck Turner"
3) "Cotton Comes to Harlem"
4) "Which Way Is Up?"
5) "Let's Do It Again" and the prequel "Uptown Saturday Night"
6) "Car Wash"
7) "The Mack"
8) "The Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars and Motor Kings"
9) "Cooley High"
10) "Foxy Brown"
tie "Superfly"
I suggest in order to experience what it means to be down and fightin against the MAN (ie.. Dan Sinclair), peep out these flix! You can find these at ANY Rosco and Earl's Flick and Fish shops in East Oakland locales near you. Ask for Big Momma and get a 2.4% discount for your next order of okra and hush puppies!!!
I would buy MOST of the white people in Alaska and Contra Costa County and make them work for me at my new chain of Liquor/Dice/Chicken/Appliance stores called "Liquor and Chicken then Apply dat DICE FOOL" across the Yay area! I would continue to buy white people until someone calls me out on it and I have to go on Larry King to discuss why I bought only CERTAIN white folk and not ALL white folk! I would just fall asleep on TV during the interview and ignore him while I chat with my homie Cuzzo from the Hill on my 2way...I don't need yall bitches anymore would be my last remark before the program was taken off the air
Second thing I would do is find J Lo or Halle Berry and wine them and dine them and once I had them SPRUNG on me, I would DUMP them and ask for my skrilla back and then sell the story to JET or Ebony
Third thing would be to buy a MBenz stretch limo, put dubs on it and drive to the FIRST presidential fundraiser and when I got there, drop twenties on the ground as I walk inside all the while having my POSSE blast some dead PREZ and spillin co-vah-see-ay for the lil homies who aint here
And probably the last thing I would do would be to build an Academy of Funk and have G Clinton as principal and Bootsie Collins as Dean of Admissions.
OH and ALMOST forgot, I would tell ALL my creditors that I have BILLIONS in the bank and they aint' seein SHIT because face it, with $20 billion, or whatever the hell he has, behind you, yo CREDIT aint gone mean SQUAT!!! what are folks gonna tell you? "Oh sorry Mr Ballon, I know you have the $1.2 Million in cash but we still need credit references and a rental history!" KISS MY ASS!
OK Enuff is enuff!!! The young whippersnapper behind me here at work has had his LAST laugh at my expense! May God forgive me and have mercy on my soul!
Ten Reasons why Alex makes me sick!!
1) He smells like cinnamon and possum
2) he is bigger than the other kids yet his head is 5 times larger than his chest
3) he thinks most black folk should return to their native land of Black Diamond Mississippi
4) His wife is always calling us at work to beg us not to let him drink AGAIN at lunch with his Portal pals
5) when he laughs, he shows his food from lunch no matter HOW LONG AGO lunch was before he heard the joke
6) his hands look like feet
7) his hair is meticulously combed across his forehead forming an intricate diamond pattern
8) He shows me and Stefan his exotic pair of thongs his *Friend* Fernando got him from Israel
9) He eats mayonnaise ALL day with a TWIX bar and leaves the residue ALL over everyone's else's keyboards and shirts
10) and the VERY LAST Reason is because once a day, he makes his way to the toilet and delivers the *goods* then never flushes. This wouldn' be SO bad except he THEN uses his digital camera and emails everyone the pics and makes us play "Find the Corn" or he you will be BEATEN
I hope this paints a better picture of what I am dealing with here! he must GO
Today is a GREAT opportunity for myself to list some of the weirdest, strangest, offbeat movies I have ever seen at the cinemas!!!! Time is going EXTREMELY slow today so onward...
*sidenote* You will have to do ALL the research yaself on these flix because I am TOOOO lazy right now to give you anything more than a short brief description so I *borrowed* them from the place you can BUY/rent it from!!!!
The LIST -
1) Xtro -
A man is abducted by aliens and returns years later. But is it really him, or is it a creature from the stars...and will he force his son to follow in his bloodthirsty clawsteps? Gruesome sci-fi tale stars Philip Sayer, Bernice Stegers, Maryam D'Abo
2) Forbidden Planet -
Milestone science fiction adventure, loosely based on Shakespeare's "The Tempest." A rescue ship's crew locates the survivors of an interplanetary expedition, but an eons-old force of great power and evil may destroy them all. Leslie Nielsen, Anne Francis, Walter Pidgeon and Robby the Robot
3) The Hills Have Eyes -
Wes Craven directed this classic shocker about a vacationing Cleveland family who find unspeakable terror when they're stranded in the desert. Forcing them to fight violence with violence are a mutant clan of cannibals who use walkie-talkies. With James Whitworth, John Steadman, Dee Wallace, Susan Lanier and Michael Berryman as "Pluto."
4) The Food of the Gods -
Story concerns that of some goop from the bowels of the earth that
when consumed causes mammoth growth in the animal life on a farm of
Mrs. Skinner (Ida Lupino) When three football players on R & R have an accident in the form of a their friend dieing from the stings of
a giant wasp. They investigate only to find not only have wasps
been feeding on the substance but rats hundreds of rats the size
of cars. And their very hungry.
5) Empire of The Ants -
Also known as "Antie Maim." Watch as the one and only Joan Collins leads a group of unfortunate tourists to a deserted island, unaware that giant ants have grown on the island and don't take kindly to intruders. Robert Lansing, Albert Salmi, Jacqueline Scott co-star
6) Hardware Wars -
One of the all-time greatest spoofs, Ernie Fosselius' homage to you-know-what is a coming attraction for the space spectacle that features Fluke Starbucker, Augie "Ben" Doggie, Princess "Ann" Droid, Ham Salad and Darph Nader. See flying spaceship toasters, a robotic vacuum named Arty Deco and lots more
7) Cleopatra Jones! -
Black, beautiful, brawny Tamara Dobson stars as Cleopatra Jones, the U.S. special agent with a style all her own! Plenty of violence and action as 6'2" Jones goes after the biggest drug dealers and sleazos around...even Shelley Winters! Also stars Antonio Fargas and Brenda Sykes
8) Attack of the Killer Tomatoes -
A tomato farm downwind from the local nuclear reactor grows intelligent, monster-sized vegetables (or are they fruits?) that run amok and threaten Southern California. Can anything stop the killer fruits (or are they vegetables?), or will mankind drown in a sea of ketchup? Outrageous sci-fi spoof features David Miller, Jack Riley, a cameo by the San Diego Chicken and the hit song "Puberty Love."
9) Gamera, the Invincible -
An accidental nuclear detonation in the Arctic disturbs the sleep of one of the greatest terrors of all time...Gamera, a 200-foot, flying, flame-breathing turtle! Will the scientists' "Z Plan"--and a precocious little boy named Kenny--stop this reptile's rampage? Eiji Funakoshi, Harumi Kiritachi star.
10) My Bloody Valentine -
The sole survivor of a Valentine's Day mining disaster comes back to haunt the town of Valentine Bluffs when the younger residents ignore the warnings and hold a Valentine's party deep within the cavernous mine.
Since I was close to strangling someone here at work, I figured I would use my fingers to be more constructive and save myself some jail time -
p.s. I am also BORED OUTTA my mind waiting for my ride to BART (see entry about truck woes) so I gotta LOT of TIME
Also these are in NO order whatsoever...
1) Secret Squirrel
2) Atom Ant
3) Underdog
4) Family Guy
5) Ren & Stimpy (before John K left)
6) Simpsons
7) Duckman
8) Robotech/Macron 1/Star Blazers/G Force/Captain Harlock/Voltron (to hard to separate them all)
9) Flinstones
10) and of course ANY thing from Looney Tunes, Merrry Melodies, etc
Those CLOSE to the list but not quite there!
Mighty Mouse
Droopy
original Popeye
Tom & Jerry
Woody Woodpecker
Fat Albert
Top Cat
and tooooo many more to mention!
And just to be clear here, I could care LESS what any of YOU think about this list because at this VERY particular moment, I could seriously do some bodily harm to one of you RUGRATS!!!! Now sit up and eat your veggies and come take a ride......
1) Damnation Alley
Paul Winfield and nuclear roaches, 'Nuff said
2) Fish that Saved Pittsburg
Dr J's character name? Moses Gunthrie!!! Mad NICE YO'
3) Close Encounters - Special edition (
Right about now, I wish those lil f*kkas would TAKE MY ASS away!!
4) Prophecy (and NOT that Christopher Walken CRAP one either!)
I mean the Half Pig - Half Bear - Half Fish mutant sonbitch made from mercury poisoning of a lake somewhere in the northwest! INSTANT Classic just because of the scene of the beast throwin a boy in a sleeping bag SO hard against a rock, the boy AND bag SPLATTER into blood and feathers! sign me up Troop leader!)
5) White Buffalo
LOVED this shit yo! With Charles Bronson, and a rampaging 25 ft white buffalo that sounds like a TRAIN right before it splits the trees and makes you white pudding or black puddin or brown pudding or red pudding (you get my drift)
6) Humanoids from the Deep
One of the ALL TIME slasher/horror/beach classics from the early '80s..Mutants from deep sea land MATE with our womins and you can imagine the OFFSPRING!! (in between a mix of Alex Hunter, Mean Joe Green and ALF)
7) It's ALIVE!!!
A baby born from Lucifer himself with a two pronged CLAW to boot? COME ON man, that is CLASSIC material just on GP~ (for those of you UNHIP to urban slang, GP means "general purpose")
8) I have a three way tie for my blaxpoitation slot so I will submit ALL THREE!!! (no worries though because my Top 10 Blaxpoitation list is coming RIGHT after this!)
They have three things in common - Richard Pryor or Bill Cosby/Sidney Portier, mad AFROS and a SLAMMIN soundtrack!
a- Which Way is UP?
b- Let's Do it Again
c- Car Wash
9) Penitentiary
This is on here SOLEY for the fact that you get to see Jane Kennedy (from early "NFL TODAY" on CBS) ass NAKKID!!! LOL!!!! Just kidding! but they ALMOST show you her! The ads got you to BELIEVE she was going to do it but it was a ploy to get your hard earned $5 at the time!
Nevermind that her punk ass ex husband is the star of the movie and looks sweeter than buttercorn ice cream at the fair.
Last but not least
10) Godzilla vs Ghedora (aka Guidra aka Monster Zero aka Monster X)
One of the BEST ALL TIME campy Godzilla flicks to EVER hit our shores! You can't beat having Godzizzle, Rodan, Monster X and that ankliosaurus (can't remember the fools' name so he goes unmentioned) Must see just for the lines Nick Adams (only white guy in flick) spits! Ultra HIP babeee!
Next up -
More movie lists! I got time to kill and people to maim
This was written because NO ONE can quite understand or feel what the HELL is going through my mind because of my luck and I use that word LOOSELY, with vehicles starting with my Forgetta Jetta and now my pre OJ Bronco Billy. I think this sums it up quite nicely! Please follow along and keep arms and legs inside the ride at all times....
This is called "If my truck was a..."
If My Truck was a ..
1) piece of candy it would be that last piece in the mixed See's box with the nice rasberry cream center with nuts and avocado
2) shoe, it would be the original British Knight MC Hammer edition with the green, red and gold trimmings!!
3) relative, it would that uncle that made EVERYONE nervous by telling sexual and racial jokes then passing gas as he laughed out loud ALONE to the punchline
and then looks at YOU and winks as he is telling the joke
4) a bird, it would be a pigeon and not just any pigeon but the kind that looks all oily and can't fly because it has too much urine on it from the whinos at the city park
5) sports car, it would be a DeLorean, but NOT because it was a piece of crap car, but because I would need to SELL about 20 kilos of White China to cover all the repair bills/costs
6) smell or aroma, it would be the one RIGHT after you leave a bag of old fries in the back seat, leave for work the next morning and hit a skunk on the way
F*ck, Man I can't even keep my train of thought!!! I am done with this list and I am OUTRO BEEYATCHES!!!!
Failed Ice Cream flavors
1) Butternut Al Roker Mocha
2) Cinnamon OJ Crunch
3) Banana Santana Surprise
4) Lee Iacocca Cocoa Cream
5) Oprah Peach navel
6) Ron Jeremy Jelly Loaf
7) Donahue Donut swirl
8) Rosanne Barr Belly Berry Madness
9) Shirley Hemphill Huckleberry
10) Fonzarelli Falafel fingernut
I realized that Alex and Deanne would make PERFECT parents for myself! It all makes sense really! Here are my reasons, please take notes but absolutely NO PICTURES or camcorders allowed inside my mental arena
1) they are both african american
2) we all love to watch "What's Happening Now" with a young Martin Lawrence in the cast
3) Alex and myself both enjoy fly fishing and pop locking
4) Deanne reminds me of younger, sassier Aunt Jemima
5) They already have a korean kid
6) we ALL love to sit around the campfire and listen to old cassettes of Fun Boy 3 and Heaven 17
7) Alex and I both toured with New Edition back in '88
8) They (Alex and Deanne) need another occupant for their 5000 sq ft lair located in the hills of Nestle Farms, CA
9) Alex tells me evr'yday that I remind him of his long lost sister
10) and finally, I believe they should adopt me because when it comes down to it, we ALL believe in the FUNK and what the FUNK says, shall BE!!!
Well it seems as if yesterday at the old ball park (otherwise known as the Pleasanton Sports Complex), I decided to use my forehead as a barrier between the ball plummeting downwards at up to 120 mph and the gravel below my feet! Luckily for me, two things were present
1) my glove deflected the ball on its' flight downward so it only hit me with the force of a full punch from Lennox Lewis from about 2 feet away and
2) my head is harder than tungsten carbide so I only escaped with a walnut size LUMP right betwixt my eyebrows!!! NIIIIICE.....
This is NOT the first serious injury or somewhat serious injury I have had playing this lovely leisure game made for women by men now taken over by men again the size of Solomon Grundy.
A few years back I was playing in a Midnight Madness tournament in Carson City Nevada. If you have ever seen Close Encounters of the Third Kind, then you can appreciated the beauty of the fields located right at the base of a large set of large hills and small mountains. VERY NICE and eerie at the same time. BUT anyways, the tournament is exactly what it advertises, your first game starts either RIGHT at midnight or LATER (i.e. 2am, 3am so on and so on) so the sheer will to stay awake is half the game and half the excitement.
Our first trip to this tournament was filled with unknown factors like "how will we do at 3am?", or "Man this shit is crazy!!!" or "When exactly are we supposed to SLEEP if we keep winning?" and so forth! Well that last question was answered VERY quickly because in the VERY first game in the 5th inning, I decide to dive and slide after a wicked line drive headed towards the left field foul line. Now as I remember, I started my slide because I figured I couldn't or wouldn't make it standing up to catch up so I decided to get low and have a better chance.
Little did I know though was that the ball was hit SOOO hard, it was knuckling towards me with LITTLE rotation and if you have EVER played baseball or softball, you know DAMN well that if you see a LINE DRIVE headed towards your way and it IS NOT rotating, you are in for a world of HURT, LITERALLY! I have seen players with MORE skills than B Bonds out there take a backseat and let the ball bounce when faced with these types of hits. But did I KNOW BETTER? Of course I did! Did I retrieve? Of COURSE I did...NOT and lo behold, the moment I started to slide into my catch, the ball decided to turn INWARDS about 2-3 inches (or JUST enough to MISS my glove ENTIRELY) and was headed RIGHT for my FACE!
Now I am thinking "THis is NOT good!" and I was correct as I watched with VERY good and upclose detail, the ball speed RIGHT into my face and *POW* right into my LIP and the teeth underneath! You know it's not GOOD when
1) the left centerfielder (who happened to be a former nurse) turned and ran over to me lying on the grass and her first words were "OOOOOOOOH that's not good honey!" and there is a more RED Grass around you than GREEN
2) and the ball rolls about 100 FEET towards the OTHER field from the impact! Can you say "MOUTHPIECE"???
After all the commotion and whoopla and everyone looking at me like I just screamed "Where all the white womens?" at a KKK rally, I had to journey to the emergency room at Carson City Memorial. Funny thing about this hospital- there was only ONE, repeat ONE emergency room doctor available and two, everyone in there was about 103 yrs old except this one young lad who kept grimacing in pain and was grabbing his crotch and groin (don't ask me why either if you know what's BEST for you!)
So faced with the DISTINCT possibility that I would be there for A WHILE, I was given updates from a great friend (Jessica) that night who drove me there and kept checking in on me while everyone else had to play. All that had to happen for me to get back out there was I had to get my stitches and we had to win ONE MORE measly game! Well after about 5 HOURS, I got my 14 stitches (took 4 MINUTES and the shot was the WORSE ordeal) and soon as I left the hospital, Jess told me we had JUST lost and was OUT of the tournament, the SUN was coming up, it was 7AM and my FRICKEN whole DAY AND weekend was RUIN ALREADY and I had missed it ALL to boot!
So after that incident over 2 years ago, I have pretty much been injury free until yesterday when I was reminded ONCE again that in the grand scheme of things, the BALLS rule over EVERYONE!! Doesn't matter how TOUGH you think you are, if you are hit at the RIGHT precise spot and time, you will GO down like a cheap hooker on her first night out on the town! Make NO bones about it!
I have now been beaten TWICE facing off against that damn softball (NO Pun intended!) and all I have to show for it is 14 stitches and a Beauty and the Beast lump right betwixt my EYES!!!!!!!!
And where will my ass be today? RIGHT Back on that damn field, trying to EVEN the score with my high tech tool of destruction from my friends at Mizuno, Easton, Demarini and Worth!
Have a joyous day and remember, "That gotta be Jelly cuz Jam don't shake that way!!!!!"
OK NOW I see why something like this blog is helpful and useful!! I am about to MANGLE, KILL, MAIM, HURT and/or physically TORTURE the NEXT person in a customer service dept that has NO CLUE why something has went awry with my account, profile, etc.!!!! I GIVE UP! I cant TAKE this crap anymore!
I am VERY nervous right now! WHY? Because someone will be HARMED if the wrong shit it said to me!
First, I was charged $204 for a product that I NEVER received because they claimed it was out of stock! Fine, I can live with that! BUT and this is a BIG BUT (Like J LO class BUTT), they informed me that my $$$ was never actually in THEIR system but in Paysystems' SYSTEM!!!! Basically a SYSTEMATIC cyber screw!!! with no vaseline of course!
So I call everyone this side of Slim Whitman, looking for my electronic debit transaction and lo and behold, NO ONE knows WHAT happened to it! So I call and curse and threaten Paysystems and FINALLY They open a trouble tix and told me I would receive an email confirmation, a electronic trouble tix and a status email! You tell ME how many of these I received? Come on, tell ME!!
Well I will TELL YOU!! I received the initial email and that was THAT! Nothing more! That was on April 27th, and today is May 17th.
Nevermind it takes 10-15 BUSINESS DAYS to get your transaction reversed but since I was told TODAY by a CSR, that my transaction was FROZEN in their system (Whatever the F*CK that means!), I have to wait an ADDITIONAL 5-10 MORE BUSINESS days which means basically a MONTH until this is resolved! How do I feel about all of this? Hmm let me see -
A) I feel grreat because even though NO ONE informed me of this and/or called or emailed, the supervisor PROMISED me it would be dealt with therefore I should not worry because once a SUPERVISOR is involved, EvERYThINg is gonna be alright!!
B) get a hunting knife and stab one of my lovely coworkers that sit directly behind me
C) go outside and weep until PM Nice tells me "it's never as bad as it seems, lil camper" and come back inside and compose myself
D) threaten EVERY man, woman and child that works for Paysystems and keep them hostage until my 2 bills are returned OR
E) nothing and sit back in my cube and take it up the chocolate chute and be blessed that I have a both my hands, feets and most of my adult teef.
After THAT lovely interchange this morning, I was THEN informed by my finance company that I bought my OJ mobile from that they were gonna REPOSSESS my TRUCK!! Now THIS my friends is INCREDIBLE comedy considering that I paid up my remaining balance back in August 2003!!! That's right, I paid $3250.50 of COLD hard PIMP cash to the MAN 9 MONTHS ago and this was the ThANKS I get from these BASTARDS!!!!!!!!!
The facts are as follows:
1) I initially owed $3250. I PAID $3250 BUT theyt had it down as $2350!!!!!!! HA HA!! Imagine that! I laughed and laughed when told this this morning
2) I immediately began to make very disturbing sounds and comments to the young man on the other end and he IMMEDIATELY understood that something was NOT quite RIGHT. He got his supervisor!! (There's that WORD again!)
3) I was told that the information entered was INCORRECT BUT, get this, THE company called to come get my truck hadn't been ALERTED that the WHOLE thing was a MISTAKE!! How FUNNY is that?
4) So after I laughed so more and told the folks at AL Financial that I was NOT going to shoot anyone and I was just joking and that i was going to get a copy of the money order and DROP it off to them in PERSON, everything was ALL FINE and copasetic!
What a GREAT morning you think? I can only WAIT and see what the afternoon brings to me! What JOY!!!!!!!!
Ha! Alex thought it would be cute to name this entry "noel smells". He is safe for now because I owe him the gratitude and thanks for setting up this arena for my occasional brain dumps/farts/epiphonies/etc.
I don't think this world is ready for what I will UNLEASH upon thee! I mean this is the equivalent of unleashing a young Mike Tyson inside a women's correctional facility with some Boone's wine and Peabo Bryson music in hand!
Now that I have MY cyber canvas READY for AKSHUN, let us begin!!!
First off I will NOT try to be cute, funny, witty or enlightening with my words of wisdom! That will come naturally. I have INCREDIBLE talents and I have been offered MORE than once to write the opening theme songs for "The New Courtship of Eddy's Father", "S.W.A.T - Live from LA", "The Waltons come Home" and "Hey That's Jive talk man!"
Secondly, I fully expect to get compensated very WELL for these entries I post for ALL to see. If not, Alex Hunter will be shot and tarred. Sorry but that's how I get down, Yo! Marcy Projects, son WHAT??!!!
Thirdly, wait is that right? Thirdly? F*CK it, Thirdly, the young man that sits behind Alex and myself - let us call him "Stefan" for personal security reasons - will NOT be invited to my home again. First time he came over, I was missing some pre-1977 Elton John robes I had confiscated during the Wembley jamboree raid in '75. The SECOND time he came over, he left a couple of ass brownies floating in my sink! That was NOT well received! And the LAST time that fool came by the house, he lit a doobie up and flicked the ashes RIGHT into my bowl of my special edition Malcolm X Cocoa Pebbles!!!! Can you BELEE dat?
RIGHT now, he is talking to Alex about this little escapade and they are LAFFING and LAFFING but when the laffing STOPS, there will be PAIN and tears! Mark my words!!
I would ramble on but I have a softball appointment I have to attend and it needs my IMMEDIATE attention! Until Monday!
Love, Peace and Hair Grease!