"A quiet, calm Al Sharpton..."
"....the African american Swimmer"
"Asian NFL star"
"Bush's intelligence shined throughout the interview"
"NRA announced Michael Moore as Natl Spokeperson"
"California is NOT the place to mix Hollywood and Politics"
"American Public backs OJ and his decision to stop looking for killers"
"Alcohol consumption down at European soccer matches"
"It's about time that the PEOPLE ran this great country - Saddam Hussein"
"OIL?? what OIL? we are NOT here for the OIL! - Dick Cheney"
"We need MORE BLACK ATHLETES - NBA Commissioner Stern
"We need MORE WHITE ATHLETES - NHL Commissioner Bettman
"You got a dollar I can borrow for lunch?" - Bill Gates
"Illegal aliens have as MUCH right here as we do! - Sen Jesse Helms
"Man, FUNK is for LOSERS! - Don Cornelius
"America NEEDS hard core muthaf*ckas like ME in pop, you feel me?" - Michael Jackson
"How do I look?" - Stevie Wonder
"No seconds for me, thank you anyway!" - Oprah Winfrey
"The White man is our FRIEND, he can be TRUSTED" - Minister Farrakhan
"What's the dealio?" - Al Gore
"Hip Hop is fun, creative and entertainment for the WHOLE family" - Tipper Gore
"I am saving myself for marriage" - Madonna
"I was bangin with the Crenshaw Mafia before I went into standup" - Jerry Seinfeld
"Me and Ice Cube, we some down ass fools homie!" - Yanni
"Fa shizzle" - Colin Powell
"Pass that shit homie, dont hide it, divide IT" - Pope John
"See what YOU Need is a down ass ho to keep you striznaight!" - Bill Clinton
"You gots to take CARE of ya babies, black men!!" - Jesse Jackson
I went to Bezerkely on Sunday afternoon and I figured out rather quickly that I do indeed have a sickness and it's my addiction to three things in general:
1) tennis shoes (you say "sneakers" and I will have to force you to leave my domain!)
2) t shirts
3) vinyl (records, LPs, wax, etc)
I have known about this sickness of mine for awhile but DAMN, it drives me crazy that I NO control about how or when I should purchase stuff from the three categories above.
I mean I have at LEAST 100 t shirts and that doesn't include the ones I have still in my storage spot at my complex!!!! I can't help it!!! If it's funny, funky FRESH, or white I am GOING to get it!!! I mean if you have ever put on a FRESH coke white t shirt and felt like you were DRESSIN up, then you know where I am coming from homie!!! Crazy aint it?
Shoes is another story in itself because I have had THIS sickness since I was able to scratch my own nutz! Once just to show you how ADDICTED I have been and how long this has run in my life, me and boy Alex (not the funky fresh white boy but my other potna!) saw a story in Kicks about ALL the Nike shoes they have released since Nike started making hoop shoes back in 1974.. The final count was around 322 and I PERSONALLY accounted for over 220 pairs I have owned or currently owned and that is just ONE shoe maker!
This does not EVEN take into account the pairs I have owned from Converse, Reebok, adidas, Puma, Elysse (sp?), BK, Troop, Fila, K Swiss, Polo, Sperry, and Pro Keds!!! Sick aint it??? I needed help back then and unfortunately I STILL DO!!! Donations can be sent to my email address!
And finally, the one that I think gives me MORE enjoyment now than ever is VINYL!!!! To find a RARE release or remix on wax is hard to describe!!! I have TOO Many records to count but it's PEANUTS compared to those who started earlier than me and I am jealous I can't be at that level but ONE day I will be there! I am trying to reach the magical amount of over 20,000 LPs!!!!!!!!!!! Now that is some FLY shit yo!!!! In due time!!! So if you know of ANYONE who wants to get rid of their records, let me know and we might work somethin out!!!!
So in posting this, I started to think of OTHER addictions I have and I came up with a pretty good list of shit! I hope you enjoy it and please understand that I am NOT a well man, I only pretend to be in my sitcom... Also look for me and my big momma Earlie May Baby Ruth Jones, who is now the new momma in "What's Happening 2004" in a MTV special, "Kicks" (Cribs is outdated man!)
List of MY addictions (small and BIG!)
1) cereal (I have consumed probably over 23 million boxes of cereal in my lifetime and I have the sugar coated colon to prove it!)
2) cartoons (Man I can watch ANY of these cartoons FOREVER and a day and NOT even TRIP about it!
a) Fam Guy
b) Simpsons
c) Ren & Stimpy
d) Duckman
e) South Park
f) Dexter's Lab
g) Any Looney Tune/Merry Melody...GET my drift now? GOOD!
3) baseball hats/caps (At one time I had over 50 of 'em!!!)
4) softball (since I started playing tournament ball back in '01, I have probably played in about 120 tournaments!!! I am NOT well
5) sports (this should be on the TOP three list but I think it's ALREADY so obvious I am addicted to sports that it's overplay to mention it!
6) Sci Fi/Horror/Thriller movies!!! I have to say that I will see ANY Horror movie no madda how BAD it is! Scifi is like heroin to me and I am Larry the Junkie! Thrillers can encompass ANY kind of thriller (legal, double crossing, heisting, secret agent shit, etc)
Hope that satisfies your fix for today! I will/shall be back!! time to go play softball, have some cereal, make a cd from my vinyl and watch a horror flick!!!!
Love Peace and Toe Grease,
Malik Alaam Sin Abu Takiem Balil Connors, Jr
Toooo many times I have heard someone in a movie, commercial, song or real life say a phrase they have heard from some cheesy ass sitcom or bad ripoff of 'Superfly'!!!! It's pretty comical to see someone think they are "DOWN" for the cause or hella cool with you JUST because they heard some corny white dude say "Hey man, it's SOLID" in an episode of Starsky & Hutch or Good Times.
So I bring to the masses to today phrases that IF ever MUTTERED or spoken around a group of black folk MIGHT produce the opposite effect you were seeking (i.e. an ASS whuppin or a molecular beatdown!). So from NOW on, don't think just because you have watched EVERY episode of 'Martin' or the 'Jefferson', you have the coolness and lingo down and the right to holla "whaddup dawg?" or "what it be like cousin?"
I now present to you 20 sayings that will NOT endear you to your african american bretheren!!! Enjoy!
1) "Hey man, what it be like?"
2) "I am down for that!"
3) "Sho' nuff!"
4) "What's up JIVE turkey?"
5) "Tell it like it T-I is!"
6) "Negro Please!"
7) "Hey Hey Hey"
8) "Cool I'm wit dat"
9) "it's Mad fresh yo!"
10) "i can dig it young blood!"
11) "you straight def trippin"
12) "Fer real tho, Hey!"
13) "Slap me some skin!"
14) "on the back side!"
15) "Get down with it"
16) "Keep on truckin"
17) "Boogie on reggae woman"
18) "Love Peace & Hair grease"
19) "What you want honkie"
20) "Black to the future"
Seems as if EVERYONE is coming out the woodworks to light a FIRE under my ass to start bloggin' some mo'!!! Well after gettin my LIFE and living situation all settled down and my baby momma's drama all squared up, I have the time and freedom to lay this shit down the CORRECT way!!!! Ante up!
First for today I will submit some random lists that myself and my rusty sidekick A Heezy have come up with. THIS one is places or situations you should NOT use anything ending with "-eezie or izzle"!!! Let's began shall we?
It's not polite to say "..eezie or ...izzle" in -
1) church
ex - "Hey J Chrizzle was a baaaad baaad dude man!! The way he turned water into wine? Come on now, that's mystical shit right there!"
2) courtroom/house
ex - Judge "How do you plead young man?"
You "Well yo Heezie, I plead the fizzle!"
3) work meeting
ex - "Bob, do you have any idea when those specs and documentation will be ready for review by the overseas committee?"
You "What specs? What the feeezie are you talkin bout Howard? You bests check yo inner tone, B Dizzle!"
4) wedding vows
ex - "Do you, Marcellus Jones take Wendeletta Smith for your bride?"
You - "I dizzle!"
5) When cops pull you over
ex - Cop "Do you have any idea how fast you were traveling sir?"
You "Hmm shit I don't know? what? like forty- fizzle?"
6) At a dinner meeting
ex - "Hey what's wrong Stevie? You don't look so good"
You - "Damn man, I need to take a shizzle! Where the toilet at?"
7) Wake/Funeral
ex - "Here lies a gentle man who leaves behind a wonderful caring family. He was a man of honor, dignity and respectizzle!"
More to come later! I actually may have to work now!!! Stay tuned.........