REUTERS World News Report
1 June, 2004 7:04 EDT
ORLANDO, FLA -
The cartoon and animation world is in complete shock at the moment as
long time repeat offender, Jiminy Crickett was found with 3400 lbs. of
coke and 223 lbs. of hair-ron in a seedy part of Walt Disney World's
community of low-income housing located approx. 87 miles from the park
and hotel center.
Walt Disney spokesman, Jaleel Harmon Jr., repeatedly claimed that Walt
Disney HAD no prior knowledge to the going-ons and whereabouts of the
fallen star. Mr. Harmon, on condition of anomynity, said that "Mr.
Crickett had been warned to stay away from the well-known barricks of
well-off stars such as Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Pluto, and Snow White among others, because
there were complaints of loud noises and screaming coming from Uncle Remus'
trailer on many occasions last summer.
Once questioned about it, Mr. Remus flat out denied any involvement with the ruckus but netherless was still
charged with reckless endangerment and lew behavior for his part of a bar
clearing fight at the Dwarfs' compound in August.
Charges from that incident are still pending due to lack of evidence and sudden
disappearances of key eye-witnesses and reports.
Off camera, Mr Remus gave a sordid tale of mistrust, substance abuse
and candid detailed depictions of how the other cast off characters
lived in near poverty and that prostitution and drugs had taken control
and ran rampant throughout the seedy undergrounds located near Fantasia
Housing Projects (better known as "The Land of Candy KANE and Honey Stains") off of Hwy 95.
Asked to give the name of the ringleader of all of this, Remus stated matter of factly
and bluntly - the muthaf*cka yall lookin fo' is called "Jimilla X" as everyone stared
in disbelief and angst. WHO was "Jamilia X"? and WHY was he SO dangerous and feared?
Well after months of investigating, improper deals, sordid X rated meetings,
illegal phone taps and hidden surveillance, it was none other than Jiminy "Big House:
Crickett (who had changed his name to Jimilla X late in the '60s due
to a brief but violent conversion to Islam).
Crickett, who has denied repeated requests for an interview, was again in trouble and his former
close friends, Pinocchio and Jepeto, stated that they were indeed
worried about the turn of events following Jiminy's release from Rahway
Prison in late 1975 after he stabbed one of the Dwarfs over a bottle of Old Crow.
As many stars from movie, radio, music and sport alike sought out to
help their fallen hero, Jiminy stubbornly refused help and started
his downward spiral into the immoral underbelly of the drug scene
throughout Walt Disney's vast empire.
Yet to be determined though was how Jiminy was able to hide his habits
and dealing behind the backs of some of the same people who helped him
to stardom in the first place.
Asked to comment on the latest charges, Mickey Mouse unleashed a barrage
of explicit, derogatory comments and words towards Mr. Crickett's image on the tube
As you may recall, late last summer, Mr Mouse also punched a AP reporter in the face
for similar questions during last year's Leon Isaac Kennedy - Ivana Trump
wedding party in Paris, Ky.
Scheduled to appear before a judge in the morning, a remorsed looking
Crickett could only muster up this one sentence for the crowd..."Why
they always trying to be keepin a crickett down!"
Walt Disney is scheduled to have a press conference tomorrow morning to
give out even more detail of this shocking tale that has been felt from Africa to Zanzibar.
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