Yes, yes. Even though it was a birthday celebration, it still amazes me how many fricken people we know at the corner bar. I think just walking in we were greeted by 20 people minimun with kisses and hugs. Folks are so friendly and really everyone is "family" even if they aren't. Hmmm... what else can I say? Yup! We knew over 30 people in general. Heidi of course knows 8,000 people. So I don't know where my story is going. It felt like a Friday night, and not so much of a chill weds. Yup, yup. Ok. *HUGS*
I think I've come to the realization that I'm stressed out. Completely. Most of the stress I think is coming from school. Yes kids, I'm taking a few classes again. Thoughts are just running through my mind at full speed about all the aspects I might be missing or if I'm lagging on something or when I'll get what done. It usually all comes together in the end, but I'm still worried.
On top of that, besides being just a worrier in general, I'm worrying about things in my personal life as well. Worry. Worry. Worry.
What's that quote? "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
I think I'm slowly getting there.
Today as I was making my lunch for the first time in months, I thought to myself, "why this doesn't happen more often?" Usually lunch is just an activity I do if there are other people around. I guess it's a social thing. Now, I really want to increase the health in my life... aka, exercise more, eat better, and I know skipping meals or irregular health patterns aren't conducive. So I came to the conclusion, blame it on my mom.
When we were growing up we were ticket children. My mom paid for so many punches and my teacher passed out the ticket right before lunch. School lunch. Woo hoo. I don't really remember the lunches in elementary school. I can't say if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I do remember begging my mom for a quarter to buy a cookie on Wednesdays. (Now those cookies are $.60 at the District cafe!)
Ok back to my point. My mom would always tell us that she hated packing lunches and if we wanted them, we would have to do it ourselves. I remember looking at all the kids with cool things like fruit snacks and juice boxes. It would be like pulling teeth to get my mom to buy that stuff. I think it was a mix between we really didn't have the money and that stuff was full of sugar. I'm losing my point again.
So now, I just want to blame my mom because I too hate making lunches. Actually, I think I'm a mix of my mom and my dad. I get up in the morning, get ready and head out. I don't dawdle. I feel like I'm wasting time if I stop and sit down to eat a bowl of cereal or watch the news. Man this post is getting long. Putting hating making lunches and the no dawdle factor = a really bad habit I need to break. Today is day one. I made a P&B sandwich, cheese-its in a lunch baggy, a fruit snack (tee hee), a Minute Maid Cooler, and an orange. I even bought some portable breakfast things like yogurt and granola. Now I need a steady and consistent exercise plan.
PS - I don't really blame my mom.
I'm trying to write more and then maybe all my thoughts won't get clogged up in my head. At the same time though, I come to the keyboard and nothing comes out. I don't know if I'm trying to censor myself... yah... ok, that's most likely it. Funny how you want a person’s input and comments, but then you don't want them to feel sorry for you. More over, you don't want them telling you just to get over yourself either.
I think I need a hobby too Giang. I don't know when I would have time for a hobby, but hot damn, I need something to excel at, something to prove to the world that I'm good and valid too. That's it for now kids. I'm feeling a bit empty and lonely on the inside... funny how that can be when I'm surrounded by wonderful people.
Take me for who I am
And not for who you want me to be
Each snowflake in an avalanche pleads not guilty.
Stanislaw J. Lec (1909 - 1966)
Be not too hasty either with praise or blame; speak always as though you were giving evidence before the judgement-seat of the Gods.
Seneca (5 BC - 65 AD)
Forgiveness is one of the many horrible side effects of loving someone.
Randy K. Milholland, Something Positive, 12-29-05
But pain... seems to me an insufficient reason not to embrace life. Being dead is quite painless. Pain, like time, is going to come on regardless. Question is, what glorious moments can you win from life in addition to the pain?
Lois McMaster Bujold, "Barrayar", 1991
We all carry around so much pain in our hearts. Love and pain and beauty. They all seem to go together like one little tidy confusing package. It's a messy business, life. It's hard to figure--full of surprises. Some good. Some bad.
Henry Bromel, Northern Exposure, The Big Kiss, 1991
Knowing that there is worse pain doesn't make present pain hurt any less.
Real Live Preacher, Real Live Preacher weblog, 03-22-05
Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.
Mary Tyler Moore (1936 - )
Human pain does not let go of its grip at one point in time. Rather, it works its way out of our consciousness over time. There is a season of sadness. A season of anger. A season of tranquility. A season of hope.
Robert Veninga
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Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life.
Joan Lunden, in Healthy Living Magazine
Ever have a friend give you the best advise ever and you just say it over and over in your head? You know it's totally right, but somehow you have to keep reminding yourself. That's really all I have to say.