Tricia's Partial Mutterings

Making a Difference

Leslie F.
Professor Veyna
History 127

A woman who is a great asset to our community is Ms. Tricia D. Mathis. Her career is to improve children’s lives. She works for the Boys & Girls Clubs of Garden Grove and at the Girl Scout Council of Orange County. She also spends her free time trying to improve the world. She donates her time and extra energy to local charities and other places that are in need.

I met Tricia in 2002 while working at Camp Joe Scherman, a residential camp in the mountains owned by the Girl Scout Council of Orange County. We were Camp Counselors, Leadership Development Directors, and Staff Supervisors together. We were in charge of camper and staff safety, training, and leadership development. When the summer ended and we returned to the city we remained friends.

Tricia continued to work for the Girl Scout Council and spent some her weekends working at camp during 2003. Camp is a great place to touch the life of a child; often times children from the city that have never been camping visit Camp Scherman. It is the counselor’s responsibility to teach that child about nature, friendship, leadership, and many other things. Children look up to their counselor and try to keep in contact with them. It takes a strong role model and mentor to accept that.

In addition to working for the Girl Scouts, Tricia also works for the Boys & Girls Clubs of Garden Grove. She began out as a tutor for children in the after school program. Once the children finished their homework she spent her time teaching them computers, educational games, and playing sports. After a few months as an Educational Aide she was promoted to the administration office. Tricia’s computer skills were put to good use and she was given the task of maintaining the organization's web page and creating press releases. Her interpersonal skills were not over looked. She was also given the task of raising money and soliciting donations.

Once Tricia is able to find some free time she spends it riding her road bike. She loves to ride her bike and even rides it to work every now and then. She has turned her love of cycling in to something more. She is a member of AIDS/LifeCycle (ALC) which is a program that raises money for AIDS services and research. Once a year she and the other ALC members collect donations and ride their bikes from San Francisco to Los Angeles. They also have smaller cycling challenges through out the year. All of their challenges allow them to raise money for a devastating disease, spread the word about it, and have some fun along the way.

Tricia is a giving, caring, and people oriented type person. She learned this at a young age from her parents. She is only twenty-seven years old. She was born October 10, 1979, in Oklahoma. Her father was a military man and her mother a homemaker. She has two older sisters as well. Being a military family they moved often. At the age of three Tricia moved to an air force base in Germany. She started school there and spent the next few years in Germany. She also spent some time living in Ohio. In 1986, when Tricia was seven, the Mathis family moved from Ohio to Orange County California to take up permanent residence. She settled right in making Garden Grove her home.

As a teenager Tricia was a teenager she attended Garden Grove High School where she was involved in different clubs and organizations. She was a member of the basketball team, swim team, and in various clubs. She was also involved in the International Order of the Rainbow for Girls, a service-based organization that provides leadership and character building opportunities for girls. With all of the extra curricular activities Tricia was able to keep a great grade point average. This helped her to be accepted to a four year university.

Tricia attended Sonoma State University in Rohnert Park, California. There she majored in Business and spent her free time involved in clubs and organizations. She was a member, Pledge Class President, and Vice President of Finance of Alpha Gamma Delta Woman’s Fraternity. She was a member, Vice President of Programs, and Treasurer of Order of Omega Honor Society. She was also a member of Sonoma State Human Resources Club. She left Sonoma State with a bachelor of science in business administration with a double emphasis in management and human resources.

Currently, while Tricia is working and volunteering her free time she also attends school. She is taking classes at Long Beach State University and is working on her teaching credential. Her plan for the future is to become a secondary middle school teacher with her single subject being math. In the future Tricia will continue to be an asset to our community. She is a great role model and the children she has worked with will strive to emulate her.

**TEACHER'S NOTE**
“Excellent details throughout. Excellent role model who reaches out to other women. Thanks for sharing her story.” 25/25

Sometimes it is amazing to see yourself through someone else's eyes. Leslie you will always continue to be a part of my life! I love you tons.

Emotional Blackmail

This information was gathered by Lauren LaBate, a crisis volunteer and a student of a Victimology course. She also did a review of the book entitled Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward, Ph.D.

COMPONENTS OF EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL
(1) Demand--someone wants something
(2) Resistance--the other is does not feel comfortable with the demand
(3) Pressure --used to make the resistant one give in
(4) Threat --to turn up the pressure
(5) Compliance--on the part of the resistant one
(6) Repetition--this pattern reoccurs in at least other situations (just with a different name)

TYPES OF BLACKMAILERS
(1) The Punisher--very direct about their demands, clearly state the consequences
(2) The Self-Punisher--uses threats of self harm to manipulate the resistant one through fear, obligation and guilt
(3) The Sufferer--the martyr who believes they’ve done everything for others and suffered because of it and don’t hesitate to remind them so they will feel sorry for them
(4) The Tantalizer--uses bribery, knowing they have something the other wants

EMOTIONS FELT BY VICTIMS OF EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL
They feel insecure, unimportant, unworthy and generally bad about themselves
They doubt their ideas and needs
They feel isolated
They may have consistent physical ailments as a result of the stress
They always feel as if they in a FOG unable to think clearly as a result of being manipulated to feel Fear, Obligation and Guilt

TOOLS USED TO CREATE FOG
Making demands seem reasonable
Making the victim feel selfish
Labeling with negative qualities and connotations
Pathologizing or crazy making
Making a demand that needs an immediate response
Allying themselves with someone of authority or influence i.e. parents, children, mental health professionals, religious leaders etc.
Comparing the victim to a person that the victim does not like or is in competition with
Learning the victim's "triggers"
Assess how much pressure to apply before the victim will give in

CHARACTERISTICS OF THE VICTIM
Constantly seeks approval
Does their best to avoid anger and keep peace
Takes the blame for anything that happens to others
Has compassion and empathy
Tends to feel pity or obligation
Believes they need to give in because it is the “right thing to do”
Has self-doubt with no sense of their worth, intelligence or abilities

CHARACTERISTICS OF AN EMOTIONAL BLACKMAILER
Has great fear of abandonment and deprivation or of being hurt
Feels desperate
Needs to be in control of things
Experiences frequent frustration
Has thought distortions regarding the reasonableness of their demands
Has had someone emotionally blackmail them and sees that it works to get them what they want

WHAT IS NECESSARY TO STOP EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL
The victim must begin to look at the situation in a new way.
They must detach from their emotions.
They must realize that they are being blackmailed and that it is not appropriate for the blackmailer to be treating them in that manner.
They must make a commitment to themselves that they will take care of themselves and no longer allow this abusive treatment.
They need to see that a demand is being made on them and that it makes them uncomfortable.
They must determine why the demand feels uncomfortable.
They must not give into the pressure for an immediate decision.
They must set boundaries to be able to take time to consider the situation and to look at all of the alternatives to make the decision.
Finally, they must consider their own needs first for a change, in this process.

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Team Grub

Brendan put together a little video of our training ride! (I'm the one in bright yellow) Cute! :o)